My Life is Worth Living

 

Before coming to Narconon I had used drugs and alcohol as a solution to the problems I faced in my day-to-day life. I had been going down a rocky path for quite a while. A few months before I arrived at Narconon, I ended up blacking out for quite some time. I remember waking up and also had no idea what had happened. I didn’t know where I was or how I got there, but I did know I’d been taken advantage of. The scariest part was waking up and not knowing what had happened and why I was in so much pain.

For the next few months, I grappled with what had happened and why. I turned to my drug and alcohol use more than before. In the back of my head, I knew that even though it was not my fault, I had been taken advantage of. I’d been allowing drugs, alcohol, and an immediate high to dictate my actions for years, and it had led me down a very dark path.

I was already in an abusive relationship and had alienated pretty much everyone in my life. The few people I had left knew nothing about the prison I had built for myself. I’d never felt so lonely, ashamed, and hopeless. I didn’t know if there was a way out, and I didn’t know if I could truly get better or be better, but I knew if I didn’t change something, there was no point in trying.

I heard about Narconon and thought maybe there was a chance the program would be able to save me or at least give me some answers as to why I am the way I am and act the way I did. So, I contacted someone on Narconon’s website, and by the end of the night, I was in Louisiana checking into rehab.

At first, being here surrounded by people, I felt nervous and agitated. I didn’t have drugs or alcohol to turn to, to make me feel better about myself, or not care about what was going on. I had always let my fear of rejection and invalidation rule my life and had a hard time forming genuine relationships. Then one day while at Narconon, I remember waking up and being genuinely excited to tell one of the staff about some silly little thing that had happened the day before. This was such a small thing, but I had never allowed myself to communicate openly without overthinking each word I was about to say. Having that moment made me realize I really was changing and that my perspective on life and ability to live it was getting better.

During the program, I had many more moments where I saw changes in myself and my ability to handle this adventure we call life. The staff worked with me one-on-one to help me control so many of the fears I had spent so long running from. One of the fears that had consumed me had to do with my family.

I had always been afraid that if my family knew the life I lived in secret, they wouldn’t love me or want me to be a part of their family. Because of this, I had alienated and pushed them away. I was lying to almost every person I knew in some way, shape, or form. However, my family has shown me support, kindness, and love throughout this process. One of the most incredible things about doing this program was my family telling me they were proud of me for graduating from the program and knowing I’d honestly done something I was proud of.

One of the most significant changes I’ve seen in myself is I’m happier and feel more fulfilled. I don’t feel held down and weighted by my past mistakes, actions, or the trauma I’ve gone through. Instead, I feel stronger, and my outlook on life, my perspective on what I want, and who I surround myself with changed to the point of having people I can trust and be my authentic self with.

“Even at your lowest point, you are worth it, you can change, and your life can be better. It will be hard work, and you must be a little willing to trust that you can be helped. You’re not alone, and you deserve a way out.”

For a while, I didn’t think I could get better. I felt there was no hope for me, but I overcame that. Anyone who believes those same things, I’ve been there, and I get it. No matter what your past looks like, whatever you’ve done, been involved with, or seen. No matter how many times you’ve let yourself down or the people around you. Even at your lowest point, you are worth it, you can change, and your life can be better. It will be hard work, and you must be a little willing to trust that you can be helped. You’re not alone, and you deserve a way out.

When you’re actively living a life of addiction, it’s hard to trust the people around you. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The staff at Narconon never once made me feel strange or less than for the things in my past. They’ve all had their struggles and have gone through the program. Having the same scars leads to a genuine understanding of how and what you need to heal yourself. They never gave up on me and believed my life was worthwhile. They gave me the opportunity and tools to make my life worth living again, and I am forever thankful and grateful for that.

S.S. Narconon Graduate