Alcohol Is No Longer My Solution

 

Around the first of October, I woke up in a strange bed. I had no idea where I was. After a few minutes, it all came back to me. I played back what I could remember of the previous twenty-four hours: I woke up in my room in the basement of my dad’s house. I walked to a nearby gas station to buy liquor, hoping they would accept a check because I had lost my wallet.

I then walked to my bank to withdraw money because they would not take a check, and then headed to another gas station. As I started to walk back to the house, stopping to sit under a tree on the lawn of a nearby hospital, I started drinking. I sat in the grass wondering what would happen because I knew something would happen to me.

I walked back to the house through the basement door where my father was standing. He then proceeded to tell me that someone was there to talk to me, some guy named Bobby. My father was trying to hold back tears as he read me something he had written. He spoke about how he never knew if he was going to come down to the basement to find me dead. From there, I knew what was happening. I knew I was going to rehab. I finished my liquor and headed to the airport, and the next thing I knew, I was in Louisiana.

I was greeted with smiling faces and friendly people and ate a bowl of chicken salad and a slice of white bread. I still appreciate that because it had been nearly three days since I had eaten.

I spent the first few days in withdrawal drinking a lot of water. I enjoyed getting out, walking around, and doing different exercises to get me out of my head. It seemed a little ridiculous at first, but I appreciated what these exercises were meant to do. From there, I went on to sauna.

I was rather excited about the sauna detoxification program. I felt fortunate to have the opportunity to spend a solid portion of my day sweating out all the evil that had been plaguing me for years. I appreciated the staff’s dedication to their work, and the whole process was carefully monitored and supplemented by vitamins and exercise. It felt good to sweat out all the toxins I’ve been exposed to, and I enjoyed the time to think about my life and the chain of events that landed me at Narconon. The purification program made my mind sharper, more focused, and alert.

Objectives were a different experience. Most people tend to overstimulate or don’t care about their ability to communicate appropriately and effectively with other people and objects properly and effectively. I know that I did. Objectives and the whole process proved to be crucial in developing the fundamental skills of better interacting with the natural world. I transferred the mental clarity I achieved in sauna to the Objectives at hand. It can get crowded and distracting in that room, but staying focused on what I was doing became an essential factor in getting out of my head and into the present time—getting into a completely relaxed state of mind regarding orders. I had many wins and gains in Objectives and then went to Life Skills.

Life skills and all its components certainly brought the program to fruition. Although I have journaled throughout my life, sitting down, and putting pen to pad about my life was something I never thought I would do. While writing my story, I had several cognitions and realizations. One colossal realization was that while I’ve always been ideological, I lost my ambitions too early.

This cut me short in continuing to develop the skills and passions necessary to become fully self-actualized (if anyone honestly can). I’ve always had self-doubt, keeping me from tapping into my true potential. This played out in conspicuous and sometimes inconspicuous ways while looking at my life and wrongdoing. Although it was uncomfortable at times to face my past mistakes, it was an essential step to understanding the motivators at work behind my actions, seeing them for what they truly are, and letting them all go. Knowing that, I can more easily prevent these events from happening again. Moving through conditions on several aspects of my life allowed me to identify the person I want to be and the types of people I need to avoid to finally do what I need to do to reach my goals in life.

One of the most helpful tools I learned from doing conditions is the practice of focusing on what exactly created an uptick or downtick in some area of my life. This is extremely helpful in everyday life because I can choose to fix a situation right away before it becomes a bigger problem or know when to reinforce something I’m doing that works in my favor. I feel good about what I learned in the course room. I’m excited to apply all of this to my life outside.

Overall, I like the general flow of the Narconon program. Each step is essential to do the next. I tend to overthink many situations, but I have produced the most impactful work when I quit complicating everything so much. I like to refer to something my old man says often, “If something is causing you grief, you just have to take a good look at it.”

“Now, I’m aware of my potential. I don’t have all this baggage of self-doubt and past miseries. I am freed up, focused, and determined to do what is necessary to achieve my version of success.”

I was a booze man. I turned to alcohol when I got frustrated with my dissatisfaction in life. Doing so only prevented me from being who I truly am. I had quit drinking many times in the past. Each time I did, I knew there was something else I was missing, which made it easier to start drinking again. I needed more than just sitting and drinking by myself, and I got bored with just going on long bike rides all the time. Acts of self-care almost became a distraction from going further. Now, I’m aware of my potential. I don’t have all this baggage of self-doubt and past miseries. I am freed up, focused, and determined to do what is necessary to achieve my version of success.

D.W., Narconon Graduate