I Learned to Love No Matter What
I recently completed the Narconon New Life Retreat rehabilitation program. My journey began 20 years ago and has come full circle. The last three months have been the most challenging and confusing in my life. However, patience has been my main takeaway, something I only had a little of. I am lucky to have had so many amazing people around me who care about me more than I do because, without them, I wouldn’t be here.
The sauna New Life Detox was one of the most challenging parts of the program mentally. I went from being hopeless, depressed, and unable to confront things in my life to feeling like things need to take their time to run their entire process for the full effect. Through this process, I was able to feel awake and have a renewed dynamic toward my original purpose in life—to be a father, husband, friend, community leader, and overall decent human being, and also while helping others around me while being drug and alcohol-free. I feel free from the harmful effect of drugs thanks to the sauna.
After completing sauna, I moved on to Objectives. Objectives were one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It taught me how to deal with my emotions and my want/need to control my environment at all times. Life is a cooperative effort, and there are certain things that you have to make the best of, and the drills taught me to observe my anger and anxiety, not act out. It also taught me the value of working with others, and getting someone else through the drills was very gratifying. I am very grateful to have done these drills and looking forward to using these skills in life. I feel that these drills have put me in present time, and I am no longer stuck in the past. Completing Objectives was extremely rewarding, and then I moved on to Life Skills.
When I first got into Life Skills, I learned that throughout my life, I had chosen to be around some people that had a negative impact on me. From there, I went on to take responsibility for the wrongdoing I’ve done across all aspects of my life. It is tough to put into words the relief that I feel and that amount of renewed and a totally new sense of responsibility. Through doing this, I realized that although I thought I was independent and carried their weight, it wasn’t true. I was causing others to take responsibility for my shortcomings. It was challenging, but taking a brutally honest look at all my actions allowed me to see the truth. I also realized that no one survives alone and that loving all things and being despite all reasons not to is one of the greatest secrets in the universe. That was something I wasn’t practicing. By doing and realizing all of this, I felt lighter, like a heaviness had been lifted.
“I can use reason to make decisions and know that it is my Kuleana, not to let anything disturb my peace of mind or my sobriety no matter what, and to love despite all reasons not to.”
In Hawaii, something called Kuleana means to do your part, and I had not been doing my part. But now, instead of using this as a reason to withdraw from everyone and everything, I know I need to let people and the world/universe into my life. Then, I can use reason to make decisions and know that it is my Kuleana, not to let anything disturb my peace of mind or my sobriety no matter what, and to love despite all reasons not to.
I look forward to seeing my home in a new light with clarity. Every day moving forward is a good day, and I know that where I am is always where I need to be, no matter what. I am very grateful for every person here at this program and will take the lessons learned here with me for the rest of my life. This program helped me find myself and realize that I am a good man.
Z.G. Narconon Graduate