This Program Gave Me My Life Back
I started this program on December 6th. I weighed one hundred and sixty pounds and could not even speak on the phone myself to arrange to come here. This has been, by far, the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. I have struggled with trust and faith in anything in life, which makes me resist programs or getting help from anyone. But when I think about where I was when I came in compared to now, it gives me hope. As much resistance as I always had to do a program, my desperation outweighed those feelings.
When I got here, I went straight into withdrawal. This was different from any detox program I’d been to previously. Initially resistant, I realized I had to let go of some judgments. When I started, I had completely lost myself, and as I slowly made my way through the drills, I began to regain small parts of myself and remember who I aim to be. I then moved on to the sauna New Life Detox.
Starting sauna, I felt like I had hit a reset button. I no longer knew who I was; I had a lot of doubts about everything and everyone. I second-guessed all my thoughts and all my emotions. I couldn’t make sense of the person I had become. I am truly amazed and thankful for the sauna program, even with all my doubts, strong beliefs, and resistance. Throughout the process, so many distractions and traumatic experiences began to fall silent. Finally, I was able to see myself again. This was a challenge for me. I can identify my thoughts and emotions and face them for what they are. I can feel and live in what is happening and not what has happened. I couldn’t sleep or focus on anything in the past, but now I can rest and begin something new. From there, I went on to Objectives.
Starting Objectives, it was challenging to see how doing something hands-on would translate to solving all the issues I had accumulated and touched on during sauna. It was hard for me to focus on anything besides my feelings. I had become very self-centered, and working with my twin was imperative to processing the many introverted thoughts and traumas I had dealt with. Many things came up during my time in Objectives, and I was surprised at how it worked. Objectives helped me address things that hindered my progress and brought it to a halt.
After completing Objectives, I went on to Life Skills. I first started Overcoming Ups and Downs in Life, and admittedly I felt extremely hopeless about my current situation. I couldn’t see a way out of the damage I had caused for those I cared about most. I didn’t know what to do and struggled to believe my relationships could be salvaged to workability. But this part gave me more faith in the entire process and meant everything. As a result, I acquired more support and have been able to feel less held back from my past relationships.
I then went on to Personal Values, which was tough for me. I have done a lot of harm and caused a lot of damage to others. I had done these things for so long that I would think them to be correct. I justified myself for so long that I had built up the illusion that so many things I did were okay. Through this process, I could stop being a victim of others and the world, take responsibility, and have gratitude for the life I have been given.
After completing Personal Values, I went on to the final part of the program, Changing Conditions in Life. This part was humbling for me because sometimes I don’t know all the answers to fix my issues in life, which made me think a lot about the decisions I was making and how to navigate my choices to do what is best.
I have a son, who is a major part of why I am still here today. I love him more than anything in the world, and I couldn’t have done this without him. My life had gotten so complicated, and it’s funny that my simple conversations with my son have been such a profound reminder of how complex adults and our messes make things.
“Everything in these steps contributes to the next, and slowly but surely, the mess my life had become started unraveling. Something I thought to be impossible, I have been able to make some of the best decisions I have ever made in my life thanks to this program and the people here.”
In my success here, I noticed that each piece of the program is vital to the next. When I started sauna, I couldn’t even begin to think straight. I had so much going on that it was impossible to sort out the emotions or trauma connected to them. When I started Objectives, I couldn’t face anything or find ways to navigate my communication through things with others. When I began Life Skills, I had no idea how to move forward past the issues in my life, who I had become, and how to take responsibility for those things. Everything in these steps contributes to the next, and slowly but surely, the mess my life had become started unraveling. Something I thought to be impossible, I have been able to make some of the best decisions I have ever made in my life thanks to this program and the people here. That has meant everything to me.
J.B., Narconon Graduate
