From Victim to Bully to Addict
Finding the Underlying Issues that Caused My Addiction
“During my stay at Narconon, I discovered a lot about myself and life around me. In hopes that I can help or change even one other person, I felt compelled to write this letter.
“In grammar school, I was picked on quite a bit. I often experienced bullying on the school bus and these experiences led me to feel generally inadequate. I always wanted to be cooler, tougher, stronger, bigger and more confident to ensure I would not be picked on.
“As a solution, I resolved to be fake. This started with wearing ’cool’ clothes, purposely staying away from kids who were bullied, and even picking on kids myself. This eventually led to me experimenting with drugs and alcohol.
“Not only did drugs and alcohol make peers around me think I was ’cool’ or ’edgy,’ the chemical effect filled me with a temporary, fake confidence and sense of well-being. I thought I had discovered a fool-proof solution to all my feelings of inadequacy.
“However, the drugs were a trap. More and more drug use became required to achieve a high effect. I became a slave to my so-called solution to the point I felt I had to use just to get out of bed in the morning.
“In the meantime, my young adult life was rotting to hell. Expulsion from my university, stealing, arrests, evictions, lost relationships, numerous rehabs, and homelessness—all because of me holding on to drugs; the one thing I thought allowed me to feel okay.
“I do not know what clicked for me, but I’ve finally come to realize that truly loving myself and loving those around me is the only real and working solution to my feelings of inadequacy. I finally love myself for who I am and feel genuinely comfortable in my own skin—which allows me to love life and those around me.
“I beg you to love yourself. Be real, authentic and don’t fake anything for the approval of others. Love those around you and don’t harm them. You do not know how a person may feel on the inside about themselves. Making others feel better will make you feel better too. This is a guaranteed, effective solution for anyone who may feel inadequate or lesser than ’enough’. I promise.”