How to Get a Loved One into Treatment

People who know someone struggling with an addiction often wonder how to help an addicted friend or relative. The decision to get help for someone you care about who has an addiction is never easy. Fortunately, with your support, they have a greater chance of overcoming their addiction. Each situation is unique, but there are some general guidelines to help you approach this task.

Expect many difficulties. There are many reasons helping someone can be difficult:

• They may not agree they have a problem.
• They may not want to change what they are doing.
• They may fear consequences e.g., losing their job, child care, living area.
• They may feel embarrassed and not want to discuss it with you.
• They may feel awkward about discussing personal issues.
• They may be engaging in the addiction as a way to avoid dealing with another problem that bothers them more.

Overcoming addiction requires great willpower and determination, so if they do not want to change what they are doing, trying to persuade them can be difficult. However, you can take steps to help your loved one make changes over the long term and which will also help you cope.

First, establish trust. This can be hard to do if the addicted person has already betrayed your trust. However, establishing trust both ways is an important first step in helping them to think about change. Trust is easily undermined, even when you are trying to help.

Avoid the following trust-destroyers:

• Nagging, criticizing and lecturing the addicted person.
• Putting them in a position where they can betray you; for example lending them money.
• Yelling, name calling and exaggerating (even when you are stressed out yourself).
• Engaging in addictive behaviors yourself, even in moderation (they will think you are a hypocrite).

Be aware that:

• Although you just want to help the addicted person, they may think you are trying to control them, which can lead to them engaging in the addictive behavior even more.
• They probably use the addictive behavior at least partly as a way to control stress. If the atmosphere between the two of you is stressful, they will probably want to do the addictive behavior more, not less.
• Building trust is a two-way process. Trust is not established by putting up with bad behavior. Trust is established by listening to them and trying to understand what they are going through. But it should not be confused with enabling as that will not build trust. If you have no trust for your loved one and do not feel it can be established, you should probably get them to find someplace else to live and get them to find other financial support.

People with addictions rarely change until there is some consequence to their behavior. Don’t try too hard to protect the addicted person from the consequences of their own actions (bailing them out of jail or lying for them to cover up their use).

If you are involved in your loved one’s treatment:

• Remember to keep working on establishing trust.
• Be honest about your feelings, what you want to happen and what the addiction has been like for you.
• Do not blame, criticize or humiliate your loved one. Simply say what it has been like for you.
• Do not be surprised if your loved one says things you are doing are contributing to their addiction. Try to listen with an open mind.
• If you want them to change, you will probably have to change too, even if you don’t have an addiction. If you show you are willing to try, your loved one will be more likely to try as well.

If your loved one gets treatment:

• Respect their privacy in everyday life. Do not inform friends, family or others about your loved one’s treatment.
• Respect their privacy in therapy. If they don’t want to talk about it, don’t push for them to tell you what happened.
• There are many different approaches to the challenge of how to help addicts, but remember, change does not happen overnight.

The best results happen when a loved one makes it their choice to get treatment. You should coax them and praise them for their life-changing choice.

At the end of the day, be sure to get professional help with getting your loved one treatment. There are plenty of professionals out there to help you in solving your loved one’s addiction.