I Am Not a Bad Person
Before I came to Narconon, I was homeless in Las Vegas, I was doing any and every drug I could get my hands on, and I was utterly miserable. I couldn’t be sober because I would lose myself in depression if I were. Eventually, even the drugs wouldn’t get me high.
When I first arrived at Narconon, I had been sober about a week and was going alright. I was having a few cravings and was very slow with my thinking. I didn’t recognize myself at all anymore.
Once I started New Life Detoxification things started to change for me. My skin didn’t look old anymore. I started seeing myself again. On one of my first days in the sauna, I had this massive cloud of doubt, anxiety, and depression. And then, all of a sudden—POOF! It was gone. It just suddenly disappeared. It was amazing! For the first time in years, I felt beautiful as a person. I didn’t feel like a piece of meat anymore.
Then I was onto Objectives. There I was able to get my mind off the past and see things in the present. II felt comfortable in my skin and I was able to control my mind better and not just focus on negative things.
Between sauna and Objectives, I was able to prepare myself for life skills. Without those two steps, I would never have been able to confront my past. But with those under my belt, life skills then helped me Ito recognize the problems I had been facing my entire life and really find ways to handle the people who I felt helped create them, as well as see how I helped create them. I did a lot of hatting on this subject and actually found a way to handle this problem. I stopped placing blame on others and really saw what I had done.
On Personal Values, I got to give off all my transgressions and feel the relief of not holding onto the bad things I did to myself, my family, and my groups. I started to feel a lot of emotions through this—stuff I always thought I didn’t have, or I was suppressing. This was hard to get through, and I had a lot of remorse for everything. After I really got through it, I felt like a new person. The things I did don’t worry me anymore.
On Changing Conditions in Life, I found out even more about myself. I was able to make up the damage I had done to myself, my family, and friends. As I kept moving up the conditions, I was able to find the reasons I had led the life I did and how not to go down the same road again. It was amazing, and that was when I stopped being scared of messing up again. I really felt I would make it, and I know with 100 percent certainty I will never revert to drugs again.
Throughout life skills, I realized something very important, and that is that I am not a bad person, just someone who has done some bad things. I am not worthless no matter how strongly I believed that throughout my life, I am capable of doing amazing things and am so ready to live a normal life without drugs.
“Narconon gave me the tools to love myself and want to be myself.”
A big reason I started drugs was that I didn’t like myself, and I felt others didn’t like me either. I was always thinking about this, and drugs turned it off for me. I thought they made me better than when I was sober but I realized that was not the case. Narconon gave me the tools to love myself and want to be myself. They truly saved my life, and I owe them everything for it.
I want to thank my boyfriend for sticking with me through all of this, helping me have the strength to stick it out and always being there for me when I didn’t feel I could make it.
I want to thank all the staff at Narconon Louisiana for working so hard to keep this facility running. They always have so much to do but they still make it work.