I Love Myself for Once
I grew up in downtown Cincinnati; where there was a lot of fighting which was part of the culture. If you had a problem with somebody, you had to fight.
“It was the first time in my life I was able to finally let go of all the anger, hate, and resentment I had been holding onto for years.”
I didn’t have a whole lot of things and grew up with lots of hand-me-downs from my cousins. My abusive stepdad told me men only show anger and happiness, and anything outside of that was a weakness.
I eventually moved away to the countryside of Ohio with my grandparents when I was 11. It was a culture shock; everyone dressed differently, acted differently, and things were way less violent. At 15, I started hanging out with the wrong people, doing drugs and getting back into the culture of fighting people I didn’t like.
When I was 16 years old, I got arrested for the first time for fighting another kid my age. I got booked and let go, but after that, I chilled out for about a year. When I was 17, even though I was doing good in school, I dropped out because I got my girlfriend pregnant. I got a full-time job and was still trying to do the right thing. Things didn’t work out with my girlfriend. She ended up taking our kid and refusing to allow me to visit him.
Then I met my new girl, who I would later end up marrying, but that also happened to be when the real bad drug use started—partying and using cocaine and crack. We ended up losing our first kid to CPS, and that’s when I turned to heroin to numb all my pain. After that, the rest of my twenties, I spent in and out of prison, and whenever I wasn’t locked up, I was using and living that lifestyle until I got caught again.
When I got into my thirties, I chilled out. I was still using on and off but quit committing as much crime. I got involved in a custody battle with my daughter and had cleaned up I and got custody of her but then ended up losing her again after a relapse. After that, I finally decided to get help, and this is what I have to say after finishing the program…
I got a lot out of the Narconon program. In withdrawal, I was able to start the process of getting my body and my mind right. The sauna detoxification was a huge help; it made my body feel the way it used to and should have been. I felt completely clean from all the horrible things I had put into my body. The sauna also got rid of the cloudiness in my head, and I was able to think so much clearer.
Then I went onto objectives which taught me patience. It also made me realize I was in control of my future and had been wasting my life away. After that, I went on to life skills, and I took responsibility for things that were weighing hard on my conscious and cut the negative people out of my life. That was a huge relief.
I repaired relationships I thought were lost forever, like my oldest son and his mom. My sisters now want to talk to me, which hasn't happened in a very long time. I learned from my son that everyone deserved forgiveness and through talking to him, I was able to see I can’t expect my kids to forgive me unless I can forgive my mom for what she did. It was the first time in my life I was able to finally let go of all the anger, hate and resentment I had been holding onto for years.
I was able to forgive myself and love myself for once, which I have never done until now. I came out on the other side, the person I have always wanted to be, and I am so grateful for that.
D.B., Narconon Graduate