The Drug Rollercoaster
How we handle the situations that arise will set the resulting outcome in motion. When life gets tough however it is sometimes drugs and alcohol which are used as a way to remove ourselves from the adverse effects of life problems.
One morning when I was seventeen, I woke up to a knock on the door. My father was usually up and ready to bring me to school but that morning he had not woken me. His friend at the door asked for him, so I went to wake him up. He was still in bed. As I entered his room, I froze. I knew something was wrong.
He was blue and not breathing. I instantly knew he was dead from an overdose. I had never experienced death before, but I guess the universe thought I could handle it. How wrong it was. I didn’t know how to handle this or express what I had just witnessed; this fact was all over my face. A friend of mine noticed this and gave me my first Xanax to calm me down. Everything I had just witnessed melted away into a sea of tranquility when the effects took hold of my mind. Everything I felt, all the anger, sadness, and confusion, was gone. I didn’t know this was the catalyst that opened the floodgates to my downward trajectory.
As I continued to use Xanax, the amount and frequency increased. I began to use it to the point that I began to blackout and lose my memory of the night before. When the effects wore off the next day, the reasons I took the Xanax in the first place would come flooding back to me, and the need and want to use started all over again.
My loved ones around me began to notice something was off with me. I dropped out of school, was nodding off, and got into wrecks with my truck. To hide my embarrassment of it all and my original reason for use, I started drinking heavily on top of the large quantity of Xanax I was taking, which increased the feeling of carelessness and loss of memories. But my problems were always there to greet me the next morning, like that one overly enthusiastic friend we have all had at some point.
My injuries from the previous wrecks and falls from passing out finally caught up with me, and I was prescribed pain medication. As all drugs eventually do, they stopped working as my tolerance built up. I found heroin from my friend. Once the first shot hit my veins, my life instantly spiraled downhill. I began stealing from my grandparents. I pawned my possessions to keep my body from craving heroin. I would sell my food stamps and not eat for a week to ensure I had my fix. At that point in my life, the only thing that mattered to me was having my next shot. I neglected my health to the point of starvation, lost the trust of my family, lost all my friends, and ultimately lost myself.
By this time, my problem and why I started abusing drugs was still unsolved and could have been avoided simply by reaching out and telling someone I needed help. Instead, I thought I knew what was best and could handle it on my own. When I was starving and had gotten to 135 lbs and was homeless, I finally reached out to the only remaining parent and friend I had left, my mother. I told her it was time to get help. We found Narconon. Once I arrived there, I realized I wasn’t alone in my addiction.
There I learned how to handle life when problems arise. Also, I received help with so much understanding and compassion that I decided to stay and work to help others realize they are not alone in this world and help is out there. All you have to do is ask for it.
M.G. Narconon Graduate