To the Ones I Love, Who Didn’t Make It

First, I would like to say thank you for the time we spent together. You are never far from my mind. I often wonder why you are gone and not me. I often get mad and think if I never witnessed the crippling ripple effect your passing had on your family, I may have never quit.

And for that, I thank you. Some of the greatest people I’ve met in my life have struggled with substance abuse, and some of the nicest families are left to pick up the pieces. I’ve spent a lot of time battling with the reasons why. Why would such a beautiful soul allow themselves to be destroyed by such a ravening substance. Why were they so unhappy? Don’t they realize how great they are? Why couldn’t they just stop? Why didn’t they see how much their substance abuse hurt me and their family? Why couldn’t I have done more?

I spent a lot of time reflecting on the past trying to decipher when things went wrong. Haunted by these questions, my demise only accelerated. Ironically, I found myself putting a needle in my arm wondering why in the world they were so selfish. Ultimately my life wound up going down the same path. For the first time, I realized there was nothing myself, or anyone else could have done to make someone else stop using drugs.

Although it was my choice to quit using drugs, that decision was highly influenced by witnessing the destruction when someone’s life is taken by drugs. One memory has always stuck with me. My good friend Nick had just completed a rehab program. Then he relapsed. I’m not sure how long this relapse occurred, but during this, he overdosed and died. I was shocked, but what impacted my life the most was when I went to say my goodbyes. I will always remember how strong his family stood up there accepting condolences from everyone who appreciated Nick. I could only imagine the turmoil they were experiencing as I watched everyone give them a hug and speak Nick’s praises. When it was my turn to speak with his family, I had a very difficult time confronting them because I couldn’t help but imagine my own mother and brother in Nick’s family’s shoes. What would it be like if my mom had to bury me? Could she save face in public? Would my little brother hate me? How would they respond to people saying they are sorry for the loss?

Shortly after Nick passed away, my cousin suffered the same fate in a drug overdose leaving behind three children, and a lot of unanswered questions. When someone dies from a drug overdose, their suffering ends, but the ones who love them carry that burden. I saw my own family suffering and grieving and decided I would never put them through that again. I went to Narconon New Life Retreat and it not only saved my life, but it also saved my family. I have made it my life’s mission is to help those struggling with substance abuse, so they get the help they need. I believe wholeheartedly Narconon is that place.