I Was Running From My Problems
When I first arrived at Narconon, my life, and every part of it was in disarray. I was an emotional wreck. I was never in the present moment; always stuck in past moments that happened in my life.
I was toxic and everything I touched turned to dust no matter how hard I tried to succeed in accomplishing anything. I ran from my problems and didn't even realize it until I arrived at Narconon and was in the Withdrawal unit.
Being in there, I learned how to confront my issues as well as not be so distracted by the things around me. I would distract myself to relieve the stress of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Since I was very hyper, I could not sit still, let alone sleep well. The exercises I did helped me with this. It also helped me realize I was running from my problems using drugs and I became focused and centered.
After withdrawal, I went into the sauna, and that was very rough for me. I had many ups and downs, but at the same time, I could feel it was worth going through it. I could feel the toxins leaving my body and every day got a little easier. The drills I had done before really paid off because being hot usually makes me feel uneasy, but I pushed through it.
Next were the objectives, a very integral part of the program. It was interesting to see the many manifestations and the magic that happened while I was doing the processes. I would go through every emotion; being mad at times and wanting to give up, but I remembered that the harder things got, it is more worth it to push through.
I did this, and every time I pushed, the harder things got more comfortable, and things got better. I also learned to take responsibility for someone else’s success and work as a team.
I was able to have self-discipline. I made an unspoken promise to myself that I would push through.
The objectives brought me to live in the present. I found this annoying at times, but I also quickly broke out of getting annoyed, and was more able to listen to people. This was great because I am much more aware and patient. As tedious as the objectives where at times, I saw what they can do and how worthwhile it was for me to do them.
Next, I went to Life skills, and this was the most eye-opening experience I have been through. It made sense as to why I felt angry, unloved, destructive, easily annoyed, and not desirable to be around. I found this part of the program was the most challenging but enlightening and essential. I always thought the passing of my brother set me off, and that was when I started to decline. But now I know I never felt appreciated when I was a child. I would excessively try to be "perfect” but as hard as I tried, I never felt good enough for my mother. I felt I never received the praise I was seeking and finally cracked, giving up on being a good kid. I did a complete 180 and went down the wrong path using drugs, people, and violence to achieve the acceptance and dopamine I needed. I was on a chaos high. I destroyed everyone that got in my way, including myself.
During Life Skills, I finally took responsibility for a lot of the situations I previously thought was not my fault. I realized I chose my path.
“I thought I could never confront that situation, but I did, and a huge weight has been lifted off me.”
I had been so furious at my father; I couldn't even talk about what he had done without feeling resentment. I thought I could never confront that situation, but I did, and a huge weight has been lifted off me.
Like skills helped me dissect every part of my life, so I confronted it and worked on them being fixed. I know I have a way better viewpoint on my own life, and I can also see other people's viewpoints.
I learned how to stop seeking approval, and now accept myself. I was lost for a long time, never honestly dealing with life issues. I learned what I put into life is what I will get back.
I can see situations for what they are, not what I want them to be. I am proud of my accomplishment in completing the Narconon program—this is the only program I have lasted more than two weeks in. It is not an easy program, but the obstacles you overcome make the investment for the future.
I can carry what I have learned throughout life and use these tools to help others. Life makes more sense to me. I have been searching for a program that offers the tools to assist me in becoming a revised and updated, better version of myself. Success comes from having integrity and living by a code of ethics.
I am proud of who I am today and have found who I am supposed to be. I am particularly proud to be a drug-free, productive member of society!