One Year Down, So Many to Go
My whole life, I always told myself I would never become like my mother, who was a major alcoholic. I always thought I was better than her and was going to be better than her. That’s when life took a left instead of a right.
At a young age, I was sexually abused. I was young, and I just thought that it was normal. By the time I was old enough to realize what was happening, I told my mom about it, and my mom told me I was “just trying to ruin her weekends and was lying.”
At that point in my life, I became broken. I learned how to suppress my feelings and keep my pain to myself. I never opened up after that and always felt as if no one truly cared about me, anyway. This made me become very aggressive and a dark person as I grew up. I was counting the days until I would end my life. I started cutting myself, changing my appearance, and being very rebellious just to express myself. That was until I found meth at 16. I thought I had found the one thing that would fill my empty heart, and it did for a while. I felt happy, had no care in the world and stayed up for months at a time, doing whatever I wanted. When I left home at 17, I didn’t know that meth was a monster that would devour me.
I became homeless, bouncing from home to home, always trying to chase the high. I had completely destroyed my life. I’ve seen and done things with people that I would have never done if I were sober, but I wasn’t scared. From there, I became the source of pain. Everyone had to feel the pain inside of me, and that’s the only thing that brought me joy. I became the monster I told myself I would never become. I wound up pushing all my family away.
That was until I found out I was pregnant at 20. I dropped everything and started getting my life back on track. I thought I had finally defeated the monster inside of me, and life had finally given me a reason to live and do better for myself. I was so happy when my daughter was born. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen in life, and she was mine. That was until she was about three months old when I started dating someone. Things were good for the first two months, and then everything went south.
He brought me to meet his mother, and that was when my life began to spiral once again. His mother was a meth addict.
The monster I thought I had defeated was right in front of my face. I allowed it to conquer my life again and relapsed. That’s when everything, including my relationship, started to go down a dark path. My boyfriend became abusive, and I started pushing my daughter off to my mother and my daughter’s father.
I didn’t want her to be a part of the abuse, and I felt trapped and didn’t know how to get out of it. I was able to hide and make what I thought were good excuses for the first five months of my relapse until my mom had finally realized what was happening and called OCS (Office of Community Services) on me. When my daughter was first taken from me, I had started to get my life back under control. I got off the drugs, got a job, and moved in with my grandparents.
That lasted about two weeks until they decided to do a hair follicle on me and realized that I had been using. I thought my world had ended and the only thing I knew was when I felt pain, meth was the only good suppressant to make me not feel it. I relapsed again. This time my drug use got even worse.
I had nothing... No family, no belongings, no heart, no feelings, just an empty numbness. I was back jumping from house to house putting myself in the most dangerous situations imaginable, trying to end my life all over again. I felt as if I didn’t deserve happiness or my daughter, and no longer had a will to live anymore.
This went on until October of 2020, my family finally had enough of watching me suffer. My dad started looking up rehabs online and had no luck. That’s when my dad had found one of the pamphlets from Narconon New Life Retreat that they had been sending me over the last 4-5 years since my sister first tried getting me help. I was finally at the point in my life where I was 100% willing to try whatever to help me find myself again.
When I first arrived at Narconon, I was very unsure about everything, but I knew I had nowhere else to go. After a couple of days, I really started to feel really comfortable, and everyone was so nice and truly cared. It took me some time to open up about certain things, but I had not fully trusted them. That lasted about five days though, I had never felt so much love, desire, and understanding in anyone or anything until then.
“I knew from that moment, that it was the place for me. A place to change my life forever, a place to grow, a place to regain my confidence, my heart, and my joy for life again.”
I knew from that moment that it was the place for me. A place to change my life forever, a place to grow, a place to regain my confidence, my heart, and my joy for life again. During my program, I had some rough patches and was so angry at myself that I didn’t know how to deal with anything and didn’t know to communicate it without being aggressive. But by going through the process and allowing myself to open up and allow them in to help me really changed my life forever. I started realizing how important I am not only to myself but to others, how to turn the pain I have felt all my life to love, and how to control my aggression and actually talk about my problems instead of bottling them up. I have the best relationship with my daughter, mother, and sister that I would never have had if it wasn’t for doing the Narconon and finally opening up to them about why I did the things I did.
I have been sober now for a year and three months and have never felt as happy as I am today. Not only did I get sober and happy but Narconon gave me the opportunity to give back what they have given me, I am now part of the Narconon experience to help those in need to get their life back. I would sit here and say thank you Narconon for giving me my life back, but they didn’t. They gave me a life I never would have known if I wouldn’t have done the Narconon program. They gave me more than just a life; they gave me happiness; they gave me a will to live; they gave me PURPOSE.
M.G. Narconon Graduate