Reckless And Dangerous My Trip to Rehab

 

I woke one morning wondering what I was going to do with my day. I had long struggled with depression and sleep was escaping me. I was also a binge drinker. This particular morning, I noticed I was running low on booze and mentally reminded myself to pick some up if I went out. As I finished getting ready, I saw the bottle of pills in my medicine cabinet. Initially, I talked myself out of popping one. Realizing there were only two pills remaining, I washed them both down with the last of my rum. I was going to be back in a jiffy as it was only 2 miles or so to retrieve more alcohol.

I recall driving to the market but not purchasing the alcohol. The only thing I remember after the drive is coming to in the driver’s seat of my car with an airbag in my face. There was a gentleman knocking on my window. In my dazed confusion, I had no clue as to where I was or what had happened. The result of my poor decision would be a DUI arrest and totaling my vehicle. Not to mention if I had been a few feet further to the left or right I probably wouldn’t be here writing this story. A few days later my mother and I were quietly driving when she turned to me and said, “You have a death wish, don’t you? You had a death wish that day. Why do you have a death wish?”

“You have a death wish, don’t you? You had a death wish that day. Why do you have a death wish?”

I reluctantly answered her with a denial of such an accusation. Why I felt accused, I have no idea. I knew I had messed up big time, but I wasn’t down to talk about it. A few days later I was in a rehab in San Diego. At the end of the 3-month program, I headed home sober and healthy, but my sobriety would be short-lived.

Less than 2 months into my sobriety, I began to drink in small amounts. Within weeks though I was back to bingeing. One evening in January 2021, I got liquored up, and with no reason or recollection, got angry with my parents. It became a bit physical as I shoved my stepfather who wears a heart monitor. He defended himself and the Sherriff was called. I was arrested and as I was sitting in the Sherriff’s SUV, I noticed my mother and stepfather walking out to their vehicle, getting in, and driving off.

My first thought was they are going down to the station to begin arranging my release. I couldn’t have been more wrong. After another day in jail and having to wait for the charges and an emergency restraining order against me to be lifted, I discovered my mom became dizzy, had chest pains, and had numbness in her extremities. She spent 5 hours in the ER due to lower stage 2 hypertension she was experiencing. Her blood pressure was through the roof. When my mother felt stronger and I was able to return, I once again would be entering rehabilitation. Due to the trained eyes of my family, searching for help had been underway weeks before my meltdown. I found out I was headed for Narconon New Life Retreat in Louisiana.

I arrived at Narconon New Life Retreat in late January. A program was specifically developed for me to handle, not only the physical effects of my alcoholism, but the mental instigators of my destructive behavior. I have since finished the program and am back in control of my life.

I recently had a conversation with a mother who had just lost her son to a drug overdose. I fought to find the right words to express my sincere condolences. She stated she wished her son would have found help sooner. Later on, I thought quite a lot about that conversation. I realized that it is difficult, at times, for persons to be in treatment as they miss their family and friends. I think that the mother I spoke with would want us to realize the short amount of time we are spending in recovery will be rewarded with fond memories of joyous family get-togethers rather than gatherings around a gravesite of one taken away much too soon. This conversation has motivated me to be a better son to my beloved mother. A mother I almost left and a mother I could have caused the loss of. I pray for the mother I spoke with and her family. For those still struggling with addiction, there is hope and there is help.