Selfishness and Addiction

 

It all started with alcohol. When I was drinking in middle school, I was abusive to everyone around me and pushed people away. I would verbally degrade them. I also stole my parents’ alcohol and would drink just to enjoy the little things. Then I added weed into my daily routine.

I skipped school, snuck out, and stole money from my dad so I could smoke more. I didn’t care about anything other than what I wanted. I stole hundreds if not thousands from my parents and didn’t care because I believed I was entitled to it. My parents would ask me to not drink at family functions and I’d ignore them because that wasn’t what I wanted to do. My boyfriend at the time encouraged my behavior, and I focused solely on him. I isolated myself from my parents and stopped wanting to spend time with them. All I cared about was getting high and they didn’t approve of it.

I then started dating a new guy and my parents thought their nightmare was over. I seemed happy and was finally around more and was acting more like myself. The new guy didn’t approve of me drinking excessively or smoking weed at all. I then started being covert about what I was doing and would show up drunk, trying to play off as if I was sober. He’d get mad I was drinking and driving and I didn’t care that I was putting others in danger. All I cared about was me.

He was an amazing guy, and I inevitably destroyed him with my selfishness and lying. He knew I was having a hard time and continued to stick around to help me through it. I didn’t know what to do, nor did I want to stop. So, I stopped going to see him and made up every excuse in the world to get out of going to his house. I wanted to get high and drunk.

Around that time, I discovered cocaine. I was working as a server and was walking out the door with at least $100 cash a night. I had done cocaine a few times before and any time I came close to being addicted, I could stop. So, I decided I’d pick up this “casual habit.” It then started controlling my life. I couldn’t go an hour without coke unless I was trying to sleep. I was doing a gram every hour.

My boyfriend knew something serious was happening but didn’t know what it was. He knew I was being weird and started looking for explanations. He went through my phone and saw a message where I was asking to buy coke. When he confronted me about it, I lied. My boyfriend then started doing research and put all the pieces together. He told me I needed help. I got mad at him and told him to go away. That night I was trying to get money out of my parents for coke and they refused. My boyfriend had told them what I was doing, and they weren’t playing my game anymore. I then got angry and turned violent. I threw two wine glasses across the kitchen at my mom and threatened to hit her if she wouldn’t give me money for coke.

She said no, so I went upstairs and took her debit card, opened a Venmo and got the money. I didn’t care how much it hurt my parents. My drug habit was more important than them. My parents realized I was stealing, and they finally had it. They told me I could live in my car or go to rehab. I decided rehab was my only viable option.

I contacted Narconon, hoping they could get me out of the mess I’d created for myself. The next day, I was on a plane to Louisiana. For a long time, I fully believed I wasn’t selfish, and all of this happened to me, and I was a victim. It took a lot of work and a deep look at myself, and I realized my selfishness caused everything. I believed I was entitled to everything and all it did was destroy me. I allowed so much damage to occur because I didn’t care who it affected when, ultimately; it affected me the worst.

“Thanks to Narconon, I learned how to put others above me. I am sober and now have a great relationship with my family.”

Thanks to Narconon, I learned how to put others above me. I am sober and now have a great relationship with my family.

—A.S., Narconon Graduate