Is There an End to the Blame Game?
It can be hard to take responsibility when dealing with addiction both for addicts and their families. They can lean on addiction as an excuse for the bad things they do. While families end up blaming everything on the addict and taking no responsibility for how things got to the point of addiction. Whenever an addict is confronted with doing something damaging, they point to why they are the way they are or the events that caused them to be this way, even going as far as blaming their addiction on family. Many times the family will go on the defense and begin attacking the addict. Yet the truth falls somewhere in the middle with an addict and their family sharing some responsibility for the current state of things.
This is why increasing the responsibility of an addict and their family takes for the situation can be a crucial part of recovery. Responsibility has several definitions, and with a little imagination it’s not hard to see how they all can apply to addiction.
Miriam Webster gives the following as the definition for responsibility:
1a: liable to be called on to answer
b (1): liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent a committee responsible for the job
2a: able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations: TRUSTWORTHY
b: able to choose for oneself between right and wrong
Let’s go through and see how each part relates directly to drug addiction. The first definition
1a: liable to be called on to answer b (1): liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent a committee responsible for the job
This is where addicts and their families will often run into trouble. They are both responsible for the situation they find themselves in. In a perfect world both sides would work together to address recovery. Accepting and admitting to the things they have done to end up here without engaging in blaming or attacking one another. Understanding and moving forward can only truly take place when both sides come forward and admit there own responsibility. In my experience calling on someone to be responsible rarely has the intended result. When it comes to dealing with addiction I would not advise calling out your loved or trying to force them to be responsible.
This is where the second definition comes in:
2a: able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations: TRUSTWORTHY
To begin healing and repairing every part of someone’s life, they have to take responsibility because everyone has some level of responsibility for the situations and problems they run into in life. They have to admit to themselves and those around them what they did to create the problems they find themselves in. This has to be done in order for them to be able to move forward and gain closure.
When both families and addicts come together and do this the journey towards recovery becomes much smoother. In most cases addicts know what they are doing is destructive however knowing and admitting are two different things. When people are attacked even for things they know they did was wrong their first impulse is to defend and attack back. Family or an addict engaging in this behavior can halt any progress towards change so this should be avoided. Instead the family should focus on making a safe place for an addict to speak their mind and open up about their struggles so the family can reason with them and help them get the treatment they need.
b: able to choose for oneself between right and wrong
The previous definition we covered if handled correctly opens the door to this. A family making a safe place for a real dialog to take place opens the door for both sides to make good decisions. Avoiding choices made out of anger or spite. You likely had a significant role in your loved ones life who is struggling with addiction. Chances are you know that this behavior is not who they are but just signs that they are struggling. Helping them to let their guard down and seek professional help may be the only one you will get your loved one back.
The Life Skills portion of the Narconon program helps to address responsibility for both the addict and their family. Each of the following steps helps an addict to handle a part of their life and take responsibility.
Here are a couple of testimonials from graduates of the Narconon program and how the Life Skills portion helped them.
“I stopped simply apologizing for my actions and started actually taking responsibility for what I had done...”
“I stopped simply apologizing for my actions and started actually taking responsibility for what I had done. ...the personal values helped me to further take responsibility for my actions that drug addiction and my chaotic life had brought to those close to me.”—Narconon Graduate
“I was able to see what I had done and take responsibility for those actions and I came out the other side. Doing this program, I am now a better father, husband, brother, son. I can now physically work and can work through any problems I may come across and take responsibility for myself and others.”—Narconon Graduate
“Taking responsibility for the things I have done helped me become a better person. I learned how to deal with problems I may encounter and, most importantly, deal with them constructively.”—Narconon Program
The Narconon program could be the turning point in your loved ones’ life where they not only stop using drugs, but armed with knowledge, they are able to take control and then responsibility for their life. And best of all, they no longer are a participant in the Blame Game, a game that no one wins.
