Overcoming Feelings of Depression and Addiction
When you are struggling with addiction and feel as if you can’t get out of that trap, it is almost as if you’re digging yourself a hole. You get to the point you are in so deep and feel there is nothing you can do to pull yourself out. You tell yourself nothing can help you, and over time, you realize the hole you’re digging is your own grave, and death is the only way out of the grip addiction has on you.
I started drinking at a young age. The first time I got drunk, I was nine, at my cousin’s wedding. A family member let me drink with her, and I didn’t know what the limit was. We had a wild girls’ night in the hotel room, and I believed it was the best night ever. From there, I knew alcohol was a fun escape. It wasn’t until I was thirteen my addiction took off, and I learned how wrong I was.
In middle school, I was unhappy and filled with self-doubt and self-hatred. My escape became drinking. All I cared about was going home and grabbing a beer and letting everything go. I gave up on school, on having friends, and most of all, I gave up on myself. I remembered drinking was a fun escape, so I thought that just maybe alcohol would let me have some fun and allow me to escape my feelings.
I started drinking beer my parents had in the cooler and only a little here and there. This quickly grew to where I was drinking every night. Then beer wasn’t doing it for me anymore, and I started drinking liquor. I would take shots and chase them with beer. I didn’t care what I was drinking as long as I was drunk.
“I didn’t care what I was drinking as long as I was drunk.”
A friend of ours was murdered, and we went to his celebration of life. There was a fifth of Woodford Reserve being passed around, and everyone was taking a shot in memory of Chris. When it came to me, I declined and told people I didn’t drink, and that I had been trying to quit. My boyfriend pulled me aside and made me feel guilty about my friend, and I gave in.
The rest of the night, I continued drinking and started on a bourbon kick. After being sober for a year, I had relapsed and was back to my old ways. I was miserable and hated myself. I wondered why I drank, why I went back down the road that I thought I’d shut down, and all I could think about was how much I hated myself.
I knew he always wanted to do cocaine together, so I finally caved and did it with him. I loved how numb I felt and immediately became addicted. I was drinking all day and doing cocaine to keep going. Every day, I was miserable and felt as if I was a shell of a person and had nothing going for me. All I wanted to do was forget all that was going on inside my head and escape. I got to where I was using cocaine out of habit, and it became a chore.
I had no money, hardly any friends, and had lost almost everyone. Finally, I realized the hole I was digging was my grave because the only way I could escape this trap was to let it end me. I kept hoping one day I wouldn’t wake up and it would all be over. All I cared about was myself and pushed everyone away. No matter how hard they tried to help me or lift me up, I ended up dragging myself down.
“Then my friend told me about Narconon. He told me how it saved him, gave him his life back, and how I needed to give it a chance.”
Then my friend told me about Narconon. He told me how it saved him, gave him his life back, and how I needed to give it a chance. Defeated and drunk, I made the call and ended up on a plane.
There is a way out. You can get yourself out of the hole you dug and live a life of freedom and sobriety. Only you allow your negativity and disbelief to continue to drag you down. There can be an end that doesn’t lead to a grave, and that is getting the help you need. Narconon helps people find treatment and get their life back. They give you a second chance to redefine yourself and live a life worth living.
If you or a loved one are struggling with addiction, know you’re not alone, and you can get through it. There is a way to get out—just reach for help.
A.S., Narconon Graduate
