I don’t know why I am compelled to share with you my true feelings of my life before Narconon but I am going to. I feel people should be able to hear how one’s life from drugs and bad decisions can still be miserable, even if they are no longer using and hear as well that there is a way to live, happy and restored; which is what Narconon did for me.
The truth is a 12 step program got me clean. I had been off dope since December 11, 2013. But also the truth is that my life was miserable even after I was clean. I might have not been using heroin, but my life was a mess.
I was in the process of trying to figure out how to leave a horrible relationship. I did not have friends, true friends nor did I know how to be one. I was still selfish and couldn’t look past myself or even begin to think I knew how to do that, and I couldn’t see that way of thinking was wrong. I couldn’t confront anything. I wanted a relationship with my son, yet kept failing at it and had no idea why.
I blamed all my bad decisions on “my disease” and never took any responsibility for my actions. I was still imprisoned by my past and couldn’t change it although I kept trying. I was depressed with where drugs had taken me and I couldn’t find a bit of real happiness. I was still cleaning up my legal trouble and barely getting through it. I knew where I wanted to be but had no idea how to get there and quite honestly it looked impossible.
Throughout my using career, I always needed the drug and even though I was grateful when I got clean, something still didn’t sit right with me on the 12 step program and the fact that I was told I needed things like meetings to stay clean. Drugs had controlled my life in the past and in order to stay clean I would have to allow my life to be controlled around meeting times, steps and all those other things. Despite being sober, I never had full control of my own life. I had no idea there might have been a different way..
Though I was clean, my life was a mess and I don’t think it would have been long before I relapsed again. Then I went to Narconon Louisiana on September 12, 2014 to do the Narconon New Life Program and now I can say that I have never felt so confident, proud and free.
My life today is amazing. Not only am I still clean, I have a relationship with my son I would have never imagined possible. I can confront things I need to. I am honest and feel good about what I am doing. I know what I want, how to get it and I am certain I can. I have self confidence back. I no longer suffer from my past. I took responsibility for my life and for my actions and I continue to do so. I know I have full control of my life and how it goes. My ability to dream and to reach goals toward attaining my dreams is back. I have no legal trouble. I do the things I want to do instead of wanting to but not doing them out of fear of failure. I can handle my problems today and have solutions for everything I am unhappy with.
Of course I make mistakes, but I have the tools to grow from them and fix them. I have the ability today to see my mistakes as a way to be better. I know each day that I am better than I was the day before and that I will continue to be better and stronger each day. The way I always wanted to live is possible, and by my own actions, the path to that life continuously keeps unfolding for me everyday.
Unlike after the 12 step program, I am no longer a victim. I am free to live this amazing life without feeling broken. I am repaired. Today, I am a good mother, a friend that can be there when needed, a daughter to be proud of and a person who can look in the mirror without hesitation and love herself! There are not enough words for my gratitude of the knowledge and understanding I have today. The best way I know how to thank Narconon is to share my true story, help others and continue to live the life I love and learned how to since September 12, 2014.