This Is What Change Is All About!
My drug use started when I was fifteen. When I started using drugs, I thought it was cool. It seemed exclusive and I was one of the few who participated. At this time I was an honors student and played varsity athletics. Fast-forward to senior year and I graduated at the bottom of my class and with no ability to play collegiate sports.
Nevertheless, I went to college. I did it because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. It’s what every parent wants for their kid: to get a degree, have a family of their own and a white picket fence. As my parents would say, “stability.” It terrified me. By this time I had become addicted to painkillers.
Half a year later, I was busted in a campus parking lot with a rolled-up bill and some pills in my car. This is when I was kicked out of college and for the first time, I saw my parents truly disappointed in me.
Fast-forward two more years. During this time I had deteriorated physically and mentally to the point that you couldn’t really see the real Bryan anymore. I didn’t have any emotion. The only thing I felt was the numbness that would creep up on me when I got high. The world had become hostile to me. It really is illogical but it’s the viewpoint I had adopted from using drugs. With drugs, I had put on this lens that I viewed life through. I could not trust anyone. My loved ones were the enemy. Life was painful and I couldn’t feel anything good without a drug in my body. I had truly become a shell of my former self.
Around this point I overdosed. The only memory I have of the incident was lying in a snowy ditch on the side of the road. My mom was running towards me and the police were holding me down. I woke up two days later. My mom was sobbing. She didn’t know if I was going to live or die and she couldn’t even look at me. I remember getting up to go to the bathroom and looking in the mirror. I didn’t recognize myself. This was the moment where I saw the reality of my situation. I was dying and I needed help. Three days later I arrived at Narconon.
Throughout the next few months, my viewpoint on life began to change. With the help of Narconon I was able to break down the barriers I had created with drugs. Life suddenly became much simpler. I was able to look back at when I first started using and handle what stopped me from succeeding. I distinctly remember waking up one day and feeling great. I was happy and I was in control. I realized that for the first time in years, I could wake up without needing drugs and feel great. This was my first huge win on the Narconon program.
As I moved through the program, I learned to be responsible for myself and my actions. I was able to look back and see that as my addiction had progressed, my responsibility level dropped. During that whole time, there was never a point where I was willing to stop and be responsible enough to change my life. That changed on the Narconon program and that change was HUGE for my family. I was able to talk to all of them and take responsibility for the things I had done and was able to follow through with the actions necessary to show my responsibility.
By applying what I learned on this program, I am now financially independent. I know that only I am responsible for my condition in life and I must learn from my mistakes to improve it.
Another aspect of life that I had struggled with was communication. I had adopted the view that communication was dangerous and difficult. I stopped myself from communicating with almost everyone because of this.
Narconon rehabilitated my ability to communicate again. For the first time in years, I opened up a dialogue with my parents. I was able to talk to them and it was easy. I could see their viewpoint on things now and could speak mine. I built an understanding with my siblings, with my parents and with my real friends. Today, I am an asset to these groups and we work together to create things. I am no longer an enemy to the ones I love.
I recently went home to visit my family for the first time since I had gotten clean. Until seeing them, I didn’t realize that before Narconon I had never really taken the time to be interested and be a part of their lives. It was awesome because we were actually able to talk and laugh and I was able to build these relationships and learn about who they are. I had always been so selfish that I didn’t know them. I had never been allowed to see my niece because of my drug use and for the first time I got to meet her. I spent quality time with my family and was physically and mentally healthy enough to enjoy it.
Most importantly, I rehabilitated my purpose. I know who I am and I wake up every day to achieve the things I want in life. Looking back a year ago, it’s hard to believe the person in that hospital bed was me.
Thank you, Narconon. You have given my parents a son they can be proud of and my siblings a brother they can talk to and most importantly, you have given me the ability to live again.
I am sober.
I am happy.