I have memories from my past of being genuinely happy and I had no thoughts or worries about getting or doing drugs. I was a very imaginative child and could always find a way to entertain myself. I never remember being bored or needing something to help me have fun. I loved dressing up and pretending I was a warrior princess and playing outside. Every night for 2 months, I would sit my parents down and we would have a concert and I would sing to them from a karaoke machine.
Then anger set in and I no longer felt happy. I began to look for ways to get the good feeling back so I could feel comfortable with who I was. I started taking Xanax, drinking, and smoking pot then in high school it was cocaine and then heroin. I had used drugs since I was 14; mainly Xanax, Cocaine, and Adderall. Then 7 years ago when I was 18, I started shooting heroin.
I have tried so many ways to get “Nicole” back. I tried outpatient rehab, inpatient 12 step, a halfway house, moving to a different city, isolating myself and I always ended up with a needle in my arm. The 4 months prior to my arriving to do the Narconon program, I had lost several jobs and was shooting up a minimum 3 times a day with either heroin or Suboxone and also taking Xanax as well as pretty much any other drug that would cross my path. I had lost every real friend and most of my family had disconnected from me. I had lost all self-worth and did not care about myself, anyone, or anything. At 25 years old, I had come to the conclusion I was going to be shooting up in a bathroom when I was 40 years old. I went to my dad’s house one weekend and my parents looked at me and immediately knew something was wrong.
The first night I was there, my parents found me outside of the door and couldn’t wake me up and they thought I was dead. That weekend they set up my intervention for me to go to Narconon. I was completely unwilling. The intervention was insane. Twenty minutes prior to the intervention I had done meth and when I walked into it, I went crazy. I was screaming, crying and refusing to get in the car. I was finding every reason in the book to justify why I didn’t need to get help. I was throwing my artwork, swinging at my dad, throwing a complete fit. The interventionists even left a couple times. Finally after some threats and a lot of upset, I gave in. I remember that moment, I sat on this trash bag I had filled with clothes during my tantrum and I remember just feeling like I was worn down, emotionally drained and tired of fighting and I looked up and told them I would get in the car and go.
That was the best decision I have ever made.
Not only did Narconon help me get physically and mentally better with the sauna program, it helped me get the real Nicole back. I feel genuinely happy and stable. I don’t crave drugs and I have control over my life and it is such an amazing feeling. I had been told I was powerless over drugs and alcohol for a very long time and I have now come to realize and know I am not. I have all the power and the Narconon Program helped me realize that.
Throughout the entire program I could see and feel the positive physical and mental changes that I was making and I finally started to like who I was again. I found myself.
I saved my life the day I decided to go to Narconon.