Dancing into My New Life
I was always uncomfortable if I drank more than a six-pack and ate. But, mindlessly, I’d get another one.
What was that about? Was that going to grade those papers any faster?
Or when the tension in my body was so taut, I thought beer would relax me but it was just another way for me to hide, to avoid, to turn off the constant noise I had in my head. Then I wouldn’t have to think about the “what ifs” or “why nots.”
“Finish the paperwork.” “Go to bed—now wake up.” “Go to work.” “Be Miss Perfect” (not!) “or Suzy Sunshine” (sure!).
Once the bell would ring to dismiss class, that TENSION, the “Oh, my God feeling” just overwhelmed me. So once again, “Let’s have a beer!”
But it never really relaxed me, it never really took away any kind of pain that I had. My knees still ached, feet still tingled, and my back still hurt.
I was numb, that’s all. Numb to my world. What is that? That’s cowardice. I thought that I was a strong person, I thought I was brave. But, I took the easy way out, and it ruined my health, made me fat, bloated, haggard—an OLD me.
That is what my life was. And now I have me. I’m the companion for me. I’m the one to go to for answers. No need for you anymore. No need.
So, goodbye beer!
Thank you, Narconon.