I Didn’t in a Million Years Dream the Addict Was Me
In her own words, a recent Narconon graduate explains how the program helped her to regain control of her life:
“I was kidding myself into thinking I was an upstanding citizen. After all, I worked, I paid taxes, I cared for my husband and my child. When I thought of an addict, I thought of a pitiful, unkempt, homeless loser who lived on the street with no family to speak of and no hope of a life—not someone with a husband, a 2-year-old and what I thought was a good life.
I didn’t in a million years dream the addict was me.
When I was only 23 years old, my husband of two years met and fell in love with a 42-year-old woman and ended the life I had dreamed of. I became incredibly depressed, afraid and alone. I had no education higher than a high school diploma and nowhere to turn, except of course, to my trusted physician who previously helped me through the birth of my son, intermittent migraines, post partum depression—all aspects of my physical and mental health.
When I went to see him, I could not stop crying, could not sleep and could not take care of my son. After telling him my predicament, he spoke to me for a brief three minutes after which he wrote three prescriptions; one for Prozac, one for Xanax and one for Lortab.
I could rationalize the Prozac and Xanax, after all, my husband had run away with an older woman. But, the Lortab? At the time I didn’t question, didn’t know and didn’t care. All I knew is that when I took that cocktail, I didn’t cry anymore. I didn’t experience the grief.
I actually didn’t feel any emotion. I floated… away from the pain, away from the depression, away from the loss, and more tragically, away from my responsibilities to survive life, to work and to raise my son.
All of it—gone.
I had been depressed before, but I had never been below depression. I had contemplated suicide before, but I didn’t know that you could fall a step lower than suicide. Not caring if you lived or died was lower. Not even having the strength or will to commit suicide was lower. I didn’t know where to turn and, to be honest, wasn’t looking for a place to turn. I was just disappointed every time my eyes opened and I was still alive.
My family, devoid of sympathy had distanced themselves from me. They had tried everything. I had tried, too. AA, NA, psychologists, psychiatrists, homeopathic remedies, inpatient treatment, intensive out-patient treatment, self-help books, meditation, antidepressants, counseling, etc—all to no avail.
Then finally, my sister found Narconon Louisiana. Narconon was different—not a 12 step program which I had failed at before. Yet, I had little hope. In fact, I remember telling my father to STOP trying to save me. I told him to accept I couldn’t be helped. My family would not give up; they refused to accept me as a lost cause. They asked me for one last thing and after having taken every last bit of dignity, money, hope and trust they had ever given me, I said yes to trying one more time.
So, nineteen miserable years later, with a destroyed family, more failed marriages and one long stint in jail, I found myself at Narconon Louisiana.
My climb back was long and difficult—similar to rebuilding an entire neighborhood burned to the ground by fire. There was SO MUCH to rebuild, but rebuild I did.
It’s been almost three years since I took those first steps to begin living as I was always meant to live—a responsible person capable of handling life—not so much on life’s terms, but on mine. Because life doesn’t just “happen” anymore.
I control my fate. I control my choices, my future and my destiny. People turn to me for advice now, because I am one of the ones who made it. Imagine that!!!!
Where I used to be scared of the sunlight and angst it would bring, I now embrace it. I now honor my life and those who choose to share their life with me. Not only am I alive, I live each day knowing that I can do anything!
The worst part of addiction is that it does not discriminate. It is NOT racist. It is NOT prejudiced. It does NOT disqualify anyone because they are too young, too old, too rich or too poor.
Sometimes the hardest thing for families to accept is the fact, the absolute fact, that their loved one is an addict. The hardest thing to confront is that there is badness, even in someone you love.
And even harder, that you alone cannot save them. Addiction rehabilitation takes treatment. Successful treatment. Narconon Louisiana has a 75% success rate over two years. This means that together, we can make a difference in the lives of those you love.
If you or a loved one have a substance abuse problem, call us. Narconon Riverbend is one of the most successful drug rehabs in the nation.